Holy Shit...If you haven't read the "I'm an Asshole" blog yet, please read that first.
So I'm outside taking a piss with my dog. (it's good for our relationship) My "Artist" Neighbor (see earlier blog) is laying on his back in the middle of the alley. As I try to sneak off, his head pops up and sputters, "Dude! Come talk to me!" (I'm literally wearing some underwear, a down vest, and my "shoe socks", the wool socks with the leather bottoms) "Uh...what do you need?" I reply with a disappointed tone.
"I want you to see my new shit."
"Dude, it 3:30, I need to go back to bed." (I was also in the middle of dreaming about some chick at Taco Del Sol)
"Dude, I really want to show you this shit."
"OK."
As we enter the garage, I notice 5 things:
-the multiple colors of paint that have been THROWN everywhere
-the twin mattress that is nailed to the wall
-the upside down American flag with "POO HEAD" written on it
-a box of 100 or so clothes hangers, neatly arranged by color
-a laptop computer playing an episode of "Friends" (the box set is laying near)
He stops in front of a large piece of plywood that is covered in dripping blue spray paint, duct tape, and what appears to be hair. Without prompting, he explains how he digs through dumpsters behind some of the hair salons downtown to find the hair.
My mind is racing. I can't tell if I'm living next to Pollack or Dahmer.
He shows me some pictures of a show he had last year in Santa Cruz. Then, as he is shouting about how his studio is finally feeling comfortable, he sweeps 2 empty bottles of wine onto the cement floor. Glass is everywhere.
"I gotta go."
"Wait!" He hands me 7 dollars and some change. "I need beer."
"I'll be right back." I take the 5 dollar bill and bring him 5 PBRs.
If I'm lying, let me die right here.
He is now using a broom dipped in green house paint to "sweep" up the glass. He notices that he is also "sweeping/painting" his feet and is starting up his legs.
"I gotta go."
He wants a hug.
"I gotta go."
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3 comments:
Poll-mer/Dahm-lack, for sure. What this guy needs is some acoustic music...
Acoustic music would only confuse him. It'd be like showing a powerpoint presentation to a moray eel.
Dude, you have got to get rid of this psycho. Sure, he's entertaining, but I have a feeling that your hair may wind up on his board.
Oh, but he's an "artist." Oh really? Well, why don't you come over and paint my house, mother fucker.
Travis, I completely concur with Bob. I was starting to feel almost entertained by "artist" until I read the part about him watching Friends on his laptop. After that, everything was too creepy. Every other piece makes sense save that one. Unpredictable fuckups-the position is already taken. -MGH
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