I'm not hip. I'm not really that up to date. That's 'cause I'm Old School. I like getting the boys together. I enjoy a cigar and a little bourbon. I enjoy the batting cages. I actually even enjoy some games...
I don't like playing cards. Games of luck and "skill" are not what makes a bulge in my shorts. I prefer any game that turns me into a pompus, irrational prick, mainly, Trivial Pursuit. Monopoly is OK, Poker is boring, I have never played chess, Risk takes a minimum of 2 years, Life is for little girls, Cranium is for newlyweds and their newlywed friends, Uno is for church camp, Yahtzee is what you play while writing a suicide note, and Pictionary is an acceptable reason for divorce. I like Scrabble and Scatagories...but...
...Trivial Pursuit.
Ooohh, Trivial Pursuit. (insert orgasm here) I'm not good at most things and my lifestyle is unacceptable to most, but I dominate at Trivial Pursuit. I'm loud, obnoxious, and violent when I play the game. Don't be surprised if when I come over to your house and you want to play, that I grab the back of your grandmother's head, kick you in the face, and break your sisters arm with my aggressive dominance. After years of small talk, Wikipedia, the History Channel, and just out-right-nerdery, I will have complete reign over your living room coffee table. I usually prefer some room for me to jump up suddenly, do a Tiger Woods celebration move and try to do a back flip off of your antique end table. I also like to keep my hands occupied with striking implements for hitting people's exposed thighs and your cat, if I haven't scared it away with my shrieks of joy and screams of pain. You want the big show? Add some bourbon to the situation. Even better? A bottle of Champagne to shake up and spray at you like I've just been drafted by the Calgary Stampeders. Heaven forbid we play the version that has a DVD, I might just "Elvis" your TV. Don't get me wrong, I might answer 20 straight questions right, then blow 30. Who knows? I just hope your neighbors are cool with having a emotionally driven trivia master prone to violence and tantrums rocking the shit out of you at 3 in the morning. Or getting rocked and sobbing uncontrollably. Wait! I can smoke my Cigar in your house?! Get the fire exstinguisher ready or cover your uncovered skin. I will set your house on fire, then hold you down, burning your face, just because I knew the difference between immigrant and emmigrant.
Make sure to invite me to your next game night.
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3 comments:
have you ever played trivial pursuit the original version from 1980's?? We did at Thanksgiving and it's a trip. Crazy hard.
why don't you do trivia night at Sean Kellys? Afraid you will scare away too many people all at once?
I don't know when or where it'll happen, but the day will come when you and I will face off over the Trivial Pursuit board. At that time, I will humble you like I'm Danny Gatton, and you're...well, me.
Example: What was Mickey Mouse's original name?
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